A Confliction of Ethics, Emotion and Guts

I have loud neighbors. They have been loud for a while. I have never seen these neighbors, but I know a lot about them. I know they're nice enough to lend duct tape, no questions asked. I know they have a rocking sound system that can pump bass like a tricked out thug car. I know someone over there really likes their first-person shooters. I know that he can yell loud enough to be heard anywhere in my apartment. I know that sometimes she cries. They remind me of a song.

That song. It is a song I have taken to heart on more occasions than just about anyone knows. I cannot help but think that I should do something, if just to find out why he yells and she cries at three am. I hear one thing clearly from him, anger. One thing from her, apology. I don't know their circumstances, I don't know their names, I don't know their faces, but I hear things through the walls that make me want to be a better person than I am. I just don't know if I can. I don't know if it's right that I poke my nose in. Sometimes people just argue...
I don't know if it's the question or the answer that bothers me more...

Chance

It's amazing what happens, sometimes, by pure chance. If you hadn't been on the right street, if it hadn't been a rainy day, if you hadn't stopped to get that coffee...

Chance saved my life, one day about two and a half years ago. My sophomore year.

I was depressed. Very much so. And it was a school day. I wanted to go less than anything ever before. I wanted to lay in bed all day and ignore the world, claim I was sick. In a way I was. But no one acknowledged it. My mom came up to my room and yelled at me to get to school. So I dressed and grabbed my bag and slogged off towards the bus stop.

I almost wanted to miss the bus, to have an excuse to go back home and pretend I'd never woken up. However, when I approached the stop and saw the bus a block away, past my stop... something broke. Tears fell down my face despite myself. I turned around and started dragging my feet back towards the house. I stopped every few feet to choke and sob and consider going back to the stop and standing in the drizzle for another half hour.

I made it to a 'Bump Ahead' sign, three blocks from home, and cracked. My knees refused to hold me up, and I collapsed to the ground, sobbing hard and miserable. Holding onto the sign, I pulled myself up again and then proceeded to beat my head against the cold metal. I considered hurling myself in front of a car, but they weren't coming quickly, or often.

I fell again.

A car I hadn't heard coming stopped in front of me. Three were inside and the woman in the passenger seat leaned out her window and asked if I was alright.

I wasn't. I shook my head.

"I missed... my bus." I said around the choking tears.

She turned to the driver and they spoke for a moment, then leaned out again. "Do you want a ride?"

Against everything they'd told me from kindergarten onward, I nodded, walked around to the driver's side back seat, and hopped in the back. It was crammed with backpacks and a girl about my age. The driver asked "Where to?" and I directed him to the school building.

When we got close I said "I can walk from here." It was now raining hard. He shook his head and said he'd drop me off right in front of the building. No reason for me to get soaked.

I don't remember their names. I don't remember their faces. I don't remember what color the car was or what day of the week or month or what class I was late to.

I remember that if they hadn't come along, I would not be alive.

Chance, risk, and the goodness of strangers. Saved my life.